My Story

I grew up in a pretty liberal Christian Church in Berkeley, CA.  I loved that the stories and sermons were often about the parables and were always positive as opposed to fire and brimstone.  It was a wonderful community and the people were full of love.  I went because my parents made me and, while I enjoyed the people, I had no deeper connection to the words being spoken. On my 16th birthday, I really wanted to just stay home but my parents made me go so I could see my grandparents. During the service, one of the members suffered a heart attack. With my lifeguard training, I, and another woman (who we later learned was a respiratory therapist and visiting a church for the first time in over 10 years), performed CPR and were able to sustain her life until the paramedics arrived and took over. During those minutes in which I gave my breath to her, I truly felt God's presence for the first time in my life.

Over the years I took God for granted. I did nothing to cultivate our relationship nor did I seek to delve deeper into the meaning of it all. There are reasons for this that I won't go into, but it had to do with a lot of hurt and anger that kept me from entering the church. As I reached my mid-20's I occasionally felt like finding a church home. As I lived far away from where I had as a youth I attended various churches that I had not been to before. Again, while the people were truly lovely, I felt no connection.

About 10 years later, I had my 3 little ones and started feeling, again, like I wanted to find a spiritual home in which they could also find that love of God. I attended another church, that I had not been to before, and instantly felt at home. The message, the people, the community and the love were all things that felt right. I became more involved and even began volunteering as the youth education director.  I loved so much about the experience.

One day, my co-director and I met with some ladies who had brought us a program to consider using with our youth. They were Baha'i and the program was for what they called "Junior Youth".  In talking with them, and reading over the materials, we felt that it was an amazing program and, with their help, implemented it with our own teens.  Each week I would join one of our Baha'i friends in working with the youth. I think I got as much, if not more, out of the program than our kids did!  In working with the materials, and hearing our new friends speak, I began to have questions about my own faith. Not so much as whether I believed in God, but why did I believe and what exactly did I believe?  They extended an offer to join a study circle (what they referred to as a Ruhi class) and I accepted, thinking it was a good way to explore my own faith. It was. During the course of the class I found the possibilities opening up and realized that what I had grown up believe was, indeed, true...but it was only a small portion of the bigger picture.

I began to feel more empowered with my spirituality and accepted an invitation to join them for their weekly informal devotions. Immediately, I felt connected and loved and it was an indescribable feeling; the love of God and Baha'u'llah in that room.  As I continued to question, investigate and pray on my own spirituality, I, too, felt the love of Baha'u'llah.

About a year after being introduced to the Baha'i faith, I declared.

One might think that would be the end of the journey but it was only the beginning. My declaration was but a drop in the ocean of what it means to be a Baha'i. I am still exploring, questioning and learning and will continue to do so.

In the meantime, what does it mean for my family? My husband is agnostic and my kids still remember all the Christian events and holidays. So, this blog is really about merging it all together while honoring the individuality of all those involved.   I may not do it "right" or the "best way" but this is our life and our journey to A Radiant Heart.

Blessings and Love,
Kim